It’s very difficult to know if the person you’re talking to is an honest, decent person. Even if you met them through someone you know, it’s still impossible to know how someone is in an intimate relationship unless you go there. One of the tough parts of being single, is that most potential relationships fail to make it into a long term partnership.
So, how do you know, in the beginning, whether or not the person you’re seeing is a person of quality? How do you know whether to give them the benefit of the doubt or to be suspicious when you are deciding how much to trust them?
10 signs the person you’re dating is a quality human:
- The absence of red flags after 3 in person dates. In today’s world, it may take 6 months or more to actually see a person in person, so if you’re doing video virtual dates because of the pandemic, it qualifies. By 3 dates in, you’ve usually done enough texting to get a feel, and you’ve gotten past the initial question of whether the two of you want to continue going out. By this time, you should be noticing a few red flags. If the few that you notice are mild little baby flags and not giant red flags hanging off a road block, this is a good sign you’re with someone you can respect.
- They listen to you as much as they talk about themselves. A person of quality will be self-aware enough to ask as many questions as the other person is asking. They will be interested in getting to know key points about you, because people who are confident and stable don’t want to be surprised later on about the things most important to them. For example, if someone who is an atheist does not want to date someone who is strictly religious, the atheist should find a way to bring up the subject. If they only talk about themselves then they may be desperate for approval and attention, or just very self-absorbed, both of which are difficult on a relationship.
- Everything they say adds up. Is it best to background a potential partner right away? The short answer is, yes. When you start getting to know another person, slowly their story unfolds. Within the first few months, details shouldn’t change and things like their job, their car, their living situation, should match what they’ve told you about themselves from the beginning. If something seems off, or the person appears to be hiding something, no matter how much you like them, look into public records and find out if everything adds up. If it does, that’s a good start to knowing you may have met a person of quality.
- They treat others with respect and don’t bad mouth other people. It’s great when someone you’re seeing is respectful and generous to you. However, when you see different behavior towards others, that’s a red flag. I person of quality is consistent and treats everyone with respect. If someone is kind to you but mean to others, it typically means they are mean in general, but putting their best foot forward to attract you. This can lead to a type of bait and switch, because eventually when they get comfortable their true colors will be more present than not. If they are disrespectful to others it will come around to you as well.
- They have goals, and are working towards completing them. A person of quality is always reaching for their next accomplishment. Goals don’t have to be huge or even all that impressive. A goal of complimenting at least one person a day isn’t like saying you want to be an olympic athlete, but it does show a value system of seeking personal growth. People of quality strive for improvement and have a solid understanding of where they are at and where they are going.
- They are humble and accountable. It’s usually easy to see within the first few months of seeing someone how they respond to situations where they misspoke, had a bad day, or had to overcome personal challenges. Watching a person’s reaction to a mistake or difficulty will tell you a lot about them. Sign they are a quality person include them being able to laugh at themselves, admitting error, apologizing, admitting they are having a difficult moment, and comfortably communicating these things. Responses of anger, frustration, shutting down, disappearing, or playing the victim red signs this person needs some more time to grow.
- They are stable. “Stable” is a broad term. So is the term “quality.” For someone to be a stable person or a quality person it takes several different characteristics added up to equal “stable” or “quality.” Stability looks like having a firm grip on one’s circumstances to the degree that being self sufficient is easy and natural. Generally, if a person makes healthy decisions they will have good outcomes in life, not including unforeseen events. A person doesn’t have to be rich to be financially stable, and some “rich” people are not financially stable. Some are not emotionally stable.
- They don’t have a problem putting other people first. Quality people are those that can take care of themselves, and are willing to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. Empathy, compassion and understanding are traits which are positive virtues that benefit all relationships. Quality people generally have good relationships with others and they keep people around them who are like them.
- They have quality people in their social circle. If the person you’re seeing has friends, and the friends are respectful, responsible adults, it’s a good sign. People of quality hang together. A person who is perhaps shady, unreliable, dishonest or rude is likely to have very few friends, or friends who are a lot like them. Observing the relationships of the person your seeing can tell you a lot about them, as long as you’re observing them and not just hearing the stories about them.
- They keep their word. Quality people make flake out every once in a while, but for the most part they keep their promises, live up to their word, and they follow through on plans they committed to. When they offer to help, they show up to help, and they put in the full effort. Quality people mean what they say and they say what they mean. Their words are backed by actions, meaning they don’t just talk the talk, you witness they also walk the walk.
Although, there are plenty of amazing people who may lack some of these traits, the opposite or absence of many of these are huge red flags. Sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with, but you can help who you keep as a trusted, life partner. Quality and stability are ingredients for healthy lasting relationships. Laziness, instability and dishonesty are qualities that can not lead to healthy, mature relationships with others.
When trying to assess whether the person you’re seeing is a quality individual, it’s imperative to look at oneself to make sure you’re ready for the occasion. This is important because when you meet someone who could be a great match, you want to be the best version of yourself possible. Personal growth attracts and inspires those who practice it.
Good luck out there. And remember, it’s all about love.