It’s no easier for a man to understand a woman than it is for a woman to understand a man. And men need understanding now more than ever.
We live in a man’s world, and because of that and the fact that women carry babies during the pregnancy, many women think men have it easier. However, this is one of the main misconceptions that leads women to misunderstand men.
Understand that a man feels like he is the protector, the provider, and responsible for the whole world because men have been in charge. Even with the huge advancements of our societies, and all of the changes we go through daily to adapt to new circumstances, we still live in a Patriarchal society. This causes men to feel like they are carrying the world on their shoulders.
Even though some men seem to value women as equals, and they may not buy into the old gender roles that are becoming outdated – as a whole, men still feel very responsible for their family, career, community, state, country and world. There is an unwritten pressure on men to build, conquer, succeed and sustain societies.
Men need for women to understand that in the modern world, more than ever, we are actually equal. So if women want to date or be in a relationship with a man who is whole and successful, she must meet him where he is at.
One of the biggest complaints from men who use dating apps and dating sites is the number of posts coming from women who list their preferences for the kind of man they want to date – wealthy 6-digit salary, nice car, tall, in shape, and will buy her flowers and open car doors – yet they are offering to be a woman who needs money, rides, diet and exercise so she can be in shape, and expects flowers and other gifts.
The balance between men and women can easily become even more disproportionate when women expect a Knight in shining armour or a Superman to come and save the Damsel in distress. The problem – He doesn’t want a Damsel. He wants a Queen if he is a King.
Men often feel that no matter what they do, the woman they are seeing will always find something to complain about. Men need women to understand that they are just as human, just as vulnerable, just as strong and just as weak as women are. If women want men to be more nurturing and understanding themselves, women have to give men the opportunity to succeed in the courtship.
Women will make lists of what they want in a man. Men typically make mental lists but are usually more open minded to actually trying to date to see what they may like or not like about a woman. Men are usually more accepting of various flaws, and are driven to do what they think will impress her. Although, they often miss the mark here by misjudging what would impress her.
When a man is interested in a woman, but he misunderstands what will impress her, it’s normal in our culture for her to become upset. If she clarifies what she wants – he becomes upset because he is trying really hard, and here, instead of her seeing how much he is trying, she is just noticing that he didn’t hear her the first time. Tension ensues.
Men deal with tension from an aggressive standpoint, because they are fueled by testosterone. Women deal with tension from an emotional standpoint because they are fueled by estrogen. Because men have been dealing with tension, fighting, protecting territory and wars – they have many scars. Emotional punches hurt more, and the reaction to them can be aggressive and automatic.
In other words, when a woman criticizes a man and his emotions take a hit, he’s emotionally hurt, he still reacts the way he has always reacted to pain. The reaction won’t change because it is a woman causing the pain. Women must understand, men are emotional creatures too.
Men are just hardwired differently. His reaction to your disappointment is like him reacting to a left hook in a street fight. Much of the reaction is a just a flight or flight response, where men are encouraged to deal with control by physically beating eachother to declare a true winner. They respect one another for fighting well.
Women need to understand that men communicate with one another in a much different manner, and they are used to that freedom of expression. Women must see that a man’s world is very different, and he does not understand her, or the world women live in. Women understand the world women live in.
There is a way to find balance in all of the misunderstanding and miscommunications that go on between men and women. Each must understand how different the other is and in what ways. Each must make slight adjustments toward common ground. Each must keep anger out of the room.
Men must be more nurturing in order to be strong leaders and protectors. Women must be more supportive of men to help them with the weight of the world that seems to be on their shoulders. Women will have to support men more. If this happens, both succeed together.
Dating Jane 